"heavy in my mind 
Can you get the heck out?” 

            That line resonated with me tremendously, having someone or something weighing on you so badly that you just want them to get out… it’s not necessarily a good or a bad thing, but you can’t fully function because of it.  

            For me it enables me to have things to write about- I was never heavy with the love/relationship poems, but as I have gotten older I seem to be able to do those with ease… 

            Speaking of which, my next task is to write a poem inspired by that line.

                Often I’ve bragged about being able to multitask, to easily go from one situation to the next in an effort to complete multiple tasks. In hindsight and current sight, nothing really got completed lol.  

                The goal is one, but I’m going to shoot for at least accomplishing two things at a time- hopefully, once I start seeing progress then the pattern will continue, and then it will become a habit.  

                Usually I will write down a list of things I want to accomplish for the day, and what I don’t I will carry it over to the next day (I can’t claim I came up with that idea fully by myself, but I don’t remember where/who I got it from lol.

Last week I brought my little one to New York… scratch that, last week her mother and I brought out little one to New York, basically it was the second time (the first was two days prior) that we did something in a co-parenting format, and it was also the first time we did something with just Norah- obviously that’s not something that is common, leaving one child behind and just going out with the other one, but the circumstances allowed it to be possible.  Next week we will end up doing something with just the oldest – it will definitely bring up some vibes of nostalgia as it was just her for many years.  

                Overall I’ve been easing into this new way of doing things, the co-parenting, the living, the breathing, and the determining my next direction(s) in life.  One of the main goals I had was to have adequate space for the girls when they came over.  Once I obtained that, a lot of the stress went down. 

                Heading to the hall tomorrow in order to obtain a job lol – been home (not chillin) but it is time to get back into the regular work routine.

This morning has already started off solid as far as me wanting to be super productive, my current priority is putting the second bookshelf together – once that is up, it clears up a lot of space and then I can go on with the next move.  

My main goal is to have a recording setup- not necessarily an official studio, but a place where I can record crisp stuff, and mess around with production – I’m always gonna go to my guy goon for the final move- overall it gives me a place to do things immediately, someone needs a verse or something written for them, I can do it with no issues. 

    That's what i'm working on.... so look forward to soon seeing something at least this early on a daily basis, until I really get moving and can post throughout the day. 

Received a text message the other day from someone I worked on a jo with last year – it was only for a few months but we got along well.  At the time he was a helper trying to become an apprentice.  I wrote a letter of recommendation for him in hopes it would help with the process… 

                After a few tries he finally got in! 

I could feel the joy through the phone because I definitely went through a similar process of 1) waiting to hear the news and 2) The grind, dedication, and commitment you have to have to still keep going after you’ve been rejected the first time.     

                I’m not expecting a 6 pack of beer or anything like that from him, but I will test him in the future when I release a project to see how he responds lol. 

                Hopefully I’ll see him on a job again, as an apprentice or even a journeyman… this trade is funny, I might see one guy all the time when I’m on a new job, and I might see one guy on a job and never see him again for 5-10 years.

How I got here isn’t as important as the fact that I am actually here… at least not today it is. 

I am here though, attempting to navigate through the next phase of life. 

Life – I am no longer wondering if it will put me under, I’m just going to live.

Haven't been able to post because of the rapid pace things have been happening, but trust, once I get situated content is coming! 

lol. 

It’s always interesting when you approach things differently….. with full intention to be opposite of your usual….and the results remain the same…. 

                It’s always interesting when you give….and give….and the return is null and void.

                There is a song my family used to play as a youth that speaks on it being a long/hard road to travel, but it’s the only one (repeat 3 times) that he knows.  The song (though I forget the whole song and the singer) often resonates with me because that is how I have seemingly functioned throughout my life.  My victories never arrive with a soothing calm, a burst of joy to give me a feeling of “job well done” – it is always filled with angst, anxiety, and much doubt- Though I often feel I operate well under pressure, what it comes with can often be taxing. 

                Slowly but surely a few things are falling into place, and with that I can function at a higher level – be more organized and be distinct in my approach. 

                The side I’ve been on has been very cold and concrete – no bounce back allowed… but I am on the verge of many positive things.